so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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