I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
