i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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