guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
