I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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