I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
