we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
