my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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