I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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