Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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