Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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