ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
