i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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