Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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