Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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