I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
