There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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