Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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