who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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