You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
where does the pee come out of this thing
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
