I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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