Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
