You're a womanizer and a bitch.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
