He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
