I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
