I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
