she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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