there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just found puke in my bra..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
