i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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