my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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