mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize