So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
