True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
