At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
