I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
