Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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