He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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