When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he puts the penis in happiness.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
