Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize