shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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