DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize