we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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