I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize