Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
NoShamevember. You game?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
