Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
