Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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