Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
