Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
