Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
