after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
