Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
