Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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