just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
