If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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