dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
