So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
