It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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