you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
