Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
