you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
