operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
