You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They took my balls.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize