He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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