Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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