Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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