I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
