My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
