I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
