The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize