Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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