he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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