What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
