So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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