Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
